How Slash Is Made
by XRachX
Summary: AKA Acid Trip. I have a fantasy world. Ren wanted a purple pony. This is my product.


Disclaimer: I don't own the boys. But this, I do unfortunately own. Although Ren is partly to blame I doubt anyone else would claim it, even on pain of death.

A.N: Ren asked for a pony, Ren got a pony. Ren thought I was being cute, living in my fantasy world where a female President would get into the Whitehouse I'm British, we had one, she sucked. and things would slowly turn upwards. I told her she would like my fantasy world. This is my world. Well, our world. Basically, a fic based off of how we write one, how I perceive us and all the innuendo we throw in for good measure. Seriously, you swim in innuendo with us both, so this fic is no exception.

Best way I can describe this is by Jo's reaction to me, only at the mid-way point: "You are fed up! In a good way."

Good look. I waiver all responsibility for any physical harm that comes from reading this fic. However, counselling sessions will be available through IM chat if the need arises. Good luck, Godspeed and don't sue me/report me/commit me.

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Tommy looked around wearily at the lilac fields and bubblegum pink sky. He tugged a few times on the lead reign he held for the pony trotting along up the path behind him.

"Erm, hello." He called out tentatively as he reached the gates of the aqua blue castle, "Hello!" He yelled a little louder, "Did someone around here order a purple pony!" He had to squint back at the animal behind him. If you weren't careful the thing practically camouflaged into the ground around it.

A young woman came flying down a side path towards him. Arms out stretched she flung her arms around his neck kissing him hard, "Thank you!" She called happily before taking the reigns from him and cuddling her pony tightly. "Come with me." She told Tommy, smiling broadly, a grin that never seemed to falter. It was only now he noticed the rainbow on the horizon.

"Ren, put the new stable boy down and show him to where the pony is kept." Called out another young woman. This one was talking to a rather handsome young man, dark hair and eyes, not overly tall or muscled, but certainly well built. Tommy almost tripped over his on two feet, too distracted by the sight to watch where he was treading.

"That's Jason," The young girl, the one he now assumed to be Ren, stage whispered in his ear with a giggle, "He's the gardener, very cute, very single." A flock of butterflies danced around her and Tommy's eyes went wide. He had no idea where he was but he was rather scared. It seemed like a nice place, too nice, scarily nice… pink nice! He needed to get out of here… well, maybe after he'd had a few words with the cute gardener couldn't leave him here to suffer alone now, could he?

"He hasn't had anyone to play with for a long time," Ren continued, leading Tommy up a winding, yellow bricked road. "Neither have me nor Rach. No-one new ever comes to visit. Not since the writers' block landed on the plot bunnies hatch. It was a shame, all those fluffy green bunnies all gone squish…" She signed wistfully turning into a large barn. Well, she moved into one, didn't turn into one; she wasn't a shape shifter… they came from the dark lands.

She untied her pony and allowed it to go drink from the brightly coloured water. Tommy couldn't say for certain but the fact it shimmered red didn't sit very well with him. He was sure red liquid meant something else to him… never mind. Instead he looked around and took in the white walls. They seemed to sparkle, almost, as if inset with jewels and glitter.

"Here," Ren whispered, tugging on Tommy's arm so they walked out of the barn. She came to a halt, Tommy smashing into her back as she stopped so abruptly, although she seemed neither to notice nor care. "Look!" She pointed to a brightly coloured orange tree with multi-coloured leaves, "That's the Know-It-All Tree. I'm not supposed to touch it but I kinda broke the rules and did… well, not exactly touched it touched it… I overheard someone else touching it so that's kinda like breaking the rules. I like breaking rules."

Tommy just stared.

"Anyway. Rach touched the tree and this big blue floating head popped out. It was scary – I mean, big, blue floating heads? Get real, as if there's such a thing! Musta beeen a hologram thingie. Anyway. The head told her that we need muses to stop the evil curse of the writers' block from taking over our land forever!" Somewhere over head birds chirruped delightedly, completely ruining the dramatic effect she was going for.

"What do muses do? What do they look like?" Tommy asked, somewhere in the back of his mind he knew this was a mistake, a very big mistake. He was getting himself into a very bad situation.

"Well, Some People says they sit and look pretty but that'd be soooooooo boring! I don't think anyone could just sit and look pretty. Well, except you and Jason. You guys are very cute, in a manly, rugged sorta way. You could sit and look pretty. Oooh! You could be muses – but that's only if Some People is right. Other People, that's Some People's cousin, says that muses whisper things in writers' ears. I'm a writer. Will you whisper in my ear? Then again, what I Most People is right? That's Some People's Mom, or Other People's Aunt, depending how you look at it. Anyway, she says that muses sit and do whatever writers want or need them to do to be inspired. If I get muses I want them to play with each other allllllllllll day."

Tommy just tilted his head and stared.

Ren just stared back at him for a moment.

"I got it!" She yelled, grabbing Tommy's arm and pulling him along behind her, "You can be a muse. Jason can be a muse. I'm a writer. Rach is a writer. If you do something to make me and Rach write something then the writers block should disappear! Er, I think. I mean, we'll have to test it, and I don't know what you'll have to do but… but… we'll think of something!

"Rach!" she hollered, Tommy slipping and sliding down the path behind her as she continued to tug him along behind her. Both Rach and Jason turned to look, sniggering slightly as the girl with electric blue hair skidded to a halt next to them. "Hey." She panted breathlessly.

Jason raised an eyebrow, "Whose the new guy?"

"Your new muse partner," Ren announced chirpily.

As a round of hacking cough laughs broke out, Jason thumped Rach hard on the back as her eyes watered, "Erm, and that means?" He asked the group at large. His eyes lingered on Tommy a moment longer, taking stock of the long limbs and slim muscles. Oh, and the long hair, can't forget the long hair. Harlequin romance here we come!

Rach giggled before composing herself with a long breath and a roll of her eyes, "Right, well, muses typically do things which inspire writers to, well, write. Most of the time they aren't necessary if it's just fun little scribbles but when you need a powerful, block buster of a story you most certainly need muses."

"And that's what we need!" Ren cut in, bouncing slightly on the balls of her feet.

"Yes," Rach said with a long suffering sigh, "That's what we need. You see, plot bunnies are needed to write stories. But, the writers block landed and destroyed all of our plot bunnies. The only way for us to continue is to have some muses who can help destroy the writer's block or…" She trailed away uncomfortably as Ren bust out into over-dramatic crocodile tears.

"We and all out world fade away into oblivion!"

"So, erm, what do we do?" Tommy asked curiously. Hey, he may think these people were all nuts and needed to find their way into the nearest and tightest straight jackets but the guy was hot! He was not going to pass up spending time with someone who looked like that, now, was he?

"Weeeeell," Ren drew out the syllable and looked thoughtful for a moment. And another moment. And another. Then another… a few minutes later a tumbleweed came rolling by. Which was amazing considering they were just surrounded by short grass and no hay! "You know, I'm coming up with nothing?"

"Why does that not surprise me?" She paused. "We're romance writers," Rach informed them, tossing back a lock of flame red hair. One thing to be said – you could never lose she or Ren – no matter how hard you tried. "So, you'd need to be romantic. We'll skip the torture part cause, well, I'm not giving anyone access to the dungeons, not after what happened the last time…"

"I told you it was an accident!" Ren yelled indignantly.

Jason just rolled his eyes and gave a muttered whatever before mumbling to himself about not being able to sit down for a week and a half… Tommy wasn't sure whether he was scared or interested.

"Okay, focus people!" Rach snapped her fingers, gesticulating wildly. "As I said, you need to be romantic. I'm thinking fluff. Pure and utter fluff. If we can call Fluff through our story he should be able to come and beat the writes block and gives us some new plot bunnies. Right Ren?"

"Right," She bounced again, nodding happily, "So, if you guys go make out and do cutesy couple-y things then we can write fluff, which will call Fluff, who will break the writers block, give us new plot bunnies and save Fan-Girl-World forever!"

"Make-out?" Tommy asked, his eyebrows rising into his hairline.

"Yes," Rach replied, her voice laden with a tone of snark, "I assume you've done that before being an awful stable boy and all, there must've been another reason people hire you for this job? Or are you aiming to be the galaxies oldest virgin – 'cause really, face like that, no point saving your virtue, the Invisible Man on Faux-Fic-Heroes is still going to win."

"Hey I res…" Tommy was cut off by Jason's resolute no.

"I remember the last time you both set me up. It was a disaster. Last time you set me up you threw that glitter stuff over me to get me to do the cutesy stuff and do you remember where that lead me! I couldn't see through my eye for a week and came remarkably close to singing in a pre-pubescent boys' choir! So, no! Absolutely not, your definition of cute is stuffed toys, flowers, swing seats and the words 'I wuv you!' made out in glitter. So. No!"

"Oh come on Jasey-Wasey that was only one itty bitty mistake, we didn't realise Zacky-poo was gunna come out of the spell before you…" Ren teased in a sing-song voice. Jason had a face like thunder and seemed torn between breaking down and crying or hitting the girl hard in the jaw. "Oh come on! Suck it up… literally as well as figuratively if you like but remember we do have a rating to be aware of here… and act like a gay man! You've got the hots of him, obviously, as you didn't mention that in your argument, he has the hots for you considering he's spent all the time staring at your ass…"

"Huh?" Tommy looked up and away guiltily, completely oblivious to what was just said, except his name.

"See." Rach picked up the train of thought as Ren just shook her head and petted Tommy condescendingly on the head; it hurt to be a mental blonde but physical brunette – you had more fun but unfortunately remember way too much the next morning. "If you like each other then you'll be making out by the end of the day anyway. You're single gay men, you're like dogs in heat, actually you just have to be a man for that, the gay really doesn't factor into it… Anyway, yeah, so, just, have a little reciprocal fun and save the planet at the same time. That way the warm glowing feeling will be two-fold. Sated and satisfied!"

Sighing, Jason threw away the glitter covered, rainbow coloured spade he'd been propping himself up on – he was the gardener after all, he may not do anything but he had to look the part so standing leaning against it in that perfected casual manner way had taken a lot of time and effort to perfect. Instead he grabbed Tommy around the waste and threw him over his shoulder in a fireman's lift. Grunting slightly at the weight Jason made his way over to an area of grass under the Know-It-All Tree.

"Hey! What are you doing? Put me down!" Tommy squealed in a girlish scream, just as would any maiden in a harlequin romance. He even beat his tiny, ineffectual fists against Jason's back. Except his weren't tiny and ineffectual… they were pretty big and he was pretty strong so Jason yelled and dumped him uncaringly on the ground. "What did ou do that for?"

"I dropped you because you were being a brat." Jason told him, hand o his slightly canted hips. "I carried you because it's what they wanted me to do. They're women. I am a smart man. Some days I know it is better just to keep quiet and do what they say because I'll end up doing it anyway."

Tommy just hmphed and folded his arms in defiance. He jutted out his chin for added emphasis.

"Look, come on, like she said, a little mutual gratification, save the world, can't be all that bad, can it?"

Tommy looked disgusted and rolled away after giving Jason a withering glare.

Jason voice was much softer this time, gentler, more reproachful and cautious. "Please, don't be like that. I didn't mean to upset you. It's just; you have no idea what it's like, living here with those two. All the dates they set me up on fall through or end in grievous bodily harm – usually on my part – and any guys I bring back run for the fuchsia coloured hills the moment they meet them. I love them both but I don't want to keep being alone." Years to come he would tell the story of how he and his lover saved the world but he would always leave out the mention of his perfectly perfected pout. What was a gardener who did nothing but stand to do all day if not practise how to pout?

Tommy rolled back and held his hand out to Jason, "Come down here. I'm sorry too; this is all just, new to me."

Jason nodded. He took the hand and knelt down in the lilac grass beside him. Pausing for a moment he seemed hesitant almost. After a seconds deliberation he reached down and grabbed the stable boy in a scintillating, but tender caressing of lips and tongues.

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Meanwhile, as their passion grew two writers flew out their type writers and began. Reams of pages fell from one device as Rach's hands moved as fast as the could, dancing across the keys. Ren quickly grabbed the falling sheets and re-wrote the words with her own added twist.

Faster and faster, the machine began to smoke. As the last page fluttered from Rach's typewriter onto Ren's pile she stood nervously, hovering anxiously at her shoulder. The seconds seemed to tick by so slowly, the world drifting in half time, despite seeming to disappear so quickly. Just two last words and Fluffy would be called.

"The End."

They held their breath in expectation.

A few moments later exhausted cheers of triumph rang out from the pair. They had done it. All was almost saved.

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"Is that a cross bred kangaroo and a rabbit super-sized to be as big as the stables?" Tommy cried incredulously, pulling back from Jason to lie on the ground and stare up at the imposing, but adorable cute, animal, monster, thing…

Jason ducked his head before pulling back to turn and look at Fluffy, his body still pushing the half naked and dishevelled Tommy back into the lilac grass. "Yeah, you could put it that way. That's Fluffy. Y'know, the one we called as a saviour for the world?"

"Oh."

"Just, try and ignore it. It's a bit of a mood killer but, well, it's here to do a job, and whilst our job of saving the world is over our other job isn't quite done," Jason even managed a leer before Tommy pulled him down into a searing kiss, rolling in the grass to put his back to the thing currently rubbing up all over the weird, out of place cube thing sitting on the pieces of broken wood and green slime.

As the cube began to break he tried to ignore the sounds of the fizzing as it melted away. He definitely didn't want to know how that thing broke it down. Then, when he heard boinging and squealing, the latter coming from the girls, although he couldn't be sure the former didn't too, he just had to pull away and turn over. Morbid curiosity was a bad, bad thing.

He really hadn't wanted to see all the new plot bunnies springing from the thing's pouch before it just blinked out of existence, leaving green slime, now coated with another layer of grey – obviously the writers' block – and splintered bits of wood behind. Oh and no forgetting the plot bunnies.

No, who could forget the plot bunnies, especially when one came to head-butt you in the middle of a very important job.

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"Well," Rach asked, leaning back in her chair as she typed into the IM box, "What do you think?"

"You should eat sugar more, those maple thingies you eat are good stuff." Ren told her, "You think, if we registered as a religion and made this our version of our bible and you the Almighty and Creator we could get it to play out for real...?"

"Weeeeeell, I've always wanted to play God." Rach answered succinctly.

"Great," Ren bounced once before pouncing on her unsuspecting friend, although after a year – was it a year already – of it, she was kind of used to it, "Kabbalah here we come!"

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I. Am. Sorry. Don't. Sue.


End file.
